1. I was born...
  1. a poor sharecropper in Eastern Kansas.
  2. in Devonshire England, the illegitimate daughter of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.
  3. in the middle of the Australian Outback in the back of my father's pick up truck.
  4. in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, the first child birthed using the Lamaze Method in the whole town.
  5. All of the above.

2. As a young child I...
  1. constantly had pine sap in my hair because I climbed trees a lot.
  2. was unruly, disrespectful, hyper, and very skinny.
  3. was obsessed with drawing horses and unicorns.
  4. read copiously.
  5. All of the above.

3. In junior high, I...
  1. wore purple eye shadow and spent hours with a curling iron trying to get my hair to feather like Charlie's Angels.
  2. was in a bad mood basically all of the time, which led to my being cast as a malcontent and target for meanies and poop-heads.
  3. came late to school almost every morning.
  4. was called into the principal's office frequently to discuss my "attendance issues."
  5. All of the above.

4. In high school I...
  1. enjoyed every moment, and wish now with all my heart I could go back to relive it.
  2. was a band geek and a member of the speech team who tried to remain invisible to avoid drawing enemy fire.
  3. was homecoming queen and prom queen in the same year.
  4. shaved my head to express solidarity with Sinead O'Connor's scathing critique of the Catholic Church.
  5. All of the above.

5. In college I...
  1. joined a socialist organization called Pinkos on the Prairie, and spent my time between classes handing out our humble literature about the plight of the besotted Prairie Dog.
  2. cultivated a very grungy look, including ripped jeans, faded tee shirts, and lots of flannel.
  3. was president of the campus chapter of Amnesty International. I wasn't a good president, but hey. I tried.
  4. eschewed fraternities and sororities, because I didn't think I could get in.
  5. b, c and d, but not a.

6. After I graduated with a double major in Spanish Language and Anthropology, I used these valuable degrees to...
  1. get a job at the United Nations as a translator.
  2. work with Louis Leaky to save the African elephant.
  3. help bring down apartheid in South Africa.
  4. work a series of low paying dead-end jobs in my home town of Jackson, Wyoming, including an Olde Time Photo Shoppe, a souvenir shop, a jewelry store, and a toy store.
  5. a, b and c, but not d.

7. In my mid twenties I moved to Vermont where I...
  1. built a Maple syrup empire, and used the money to invade Canada with my private infantry.
  2. developed a rare condition marked by unearthly pallor, extreme light sensitivity, and a taste for human blood.
  3. became a lumberjack, since I already had the flannel.
  4. earned a Master's in English Literature at the University of Vermont, since I wasn't doing anything better anyway.
  5. All of the above.

8. From Vermont, I went to...
  1. Munich, where I became an international spy.
  2. Antarctica, where I performed seminal research on the mating habits of emperor penguins.
  3. New York City, where I finally started studying what I really wanted to do, which was Creative Writing, at New School University.
  4. a biodome at the bottom of the ocean.

9. After I earned my MFA, I stayed in New York for a few extra years because...
  1. I met a cute boy.
  2. he was tall and dashing.
  3. he made me laugh so hard I got stomachaches after our dates.
  4. he said he wanted to marry me, but he wasn't sure he wanted to leave New York right away.
  5. All of the above.

10. From New York, we moved to Colorado because...
  1. we wanted to realize our dream of becoming owners of a dude ranch.
  2. we thought the Colorado mountains would be a good place to raise a militia of survivalists.
  3. I wanted to be nearer my family.
  4. we are fond of a particular kind of goat cheese that can be found only in this state.
  5. None of the above.

11. Now I spend my time...
  1. overindulging my dog, who is named Miles and has an extensive comprehensive vocabulary. I'm pretty sure he's a canine genius.
  2. taking care of my garden and basically neglecting my lawn.
  3. writing a lot.
  4. reading books that are so good sometimes I wish I'd written them myself.
  5. All of the above.

Answer Key: 1. d 2. e 3. e 4. b 5. e 6. d 7. d 8. c 9. e 10. c 11. e