Cleaning out my office.

Few people recognize what a momentous occasion it is to clean out one's office. Here are all the major life decisions I had to make while deciding what to throw away and what to keep:

1. I'm never going to seek publication for my Master's Thesis on Cold War science fiction literature. I threw away about twenty pounds of paper, all xeroxed copies of: presidential speeches, literary criticism, ancient short stories that appeared in 1950's pulp sci fi magazines, and notes that I took while reading all this crap. All of it is gone. Goodbye to my dream of being a popular intellectual of apocalyptic literature! Alas, Babylon!
2. I'm never going to teach another college level class on composition. I did it once, I enjoyed it, but it's not really my thing. If I ever teach again, it will be creative writing, or nothing. Otherwise it's too much work, it's too thankless, and it's not that much fun. So I threw out about ten pounds of old syllabi, student essays, and tons of required readings. Goodbye to my dream of being a college professor. So long to grading, dealing with cranky students, and dealing with my cranky self. A regrettable farewell to those rare students who appreciated the chance at a college education and actually took their studies seriously. Those were the students who really made the whole thing worth it, and I remember each of them fondly.
3. I am not going to ever use the scraggly, chewed up, used manila folders that I pilfered out of a recycling pile at my former office job. They've been sitting unused in my office for about twelve years now, and they're much better off as post-consumer toilet paper, or whatever the recycling industry is going to use them for.
4. I am not going to organize my ancient collection of New Yorkers and Harper's magazines, and I will certainly never reread any of them. Poof! Gone! Fifteen pounds of glossy paper!
5. Finally, I'm never going to take up: the flute, painting, or professional photography. So long fingering charts, sheet music, dried up water color, and how to printouts from photography websites.

It's bittersweet, cleaning out one's office. It felt good to finally let go of all those nagging obligations, but in the process I had to let go of potentialities, too. I've chosen my path. I'm a writer first and foremost. And now my office feels a little more writerly now that it's no longer haunted by those ghosts of my former selves and unrealized intentions.

And now I'm out of excuses. I've got to get some writing done.